Before You Say Yes

It was a blistering hot day hiking in the Tetons. Keeping up with my sons and friends who were in better shape than me was quite a task. There were times they would get ahead of me and, in goodwill, wait till I caught up with them. And then we would all take off again together. BUT WAIT A MINUTE…

“I’m not ready to go.”

“I appreciate that you waited for me, and enjoyed a time of rest, but I didn’t get to rest.”

“I need to stay here longer.”

“Give me some of that water and you do some jumping jacks while I kick back on a rock and chill a bit.”

Their intentions were good, but they didn’t realize that while they had an opportunity to rest, I was actively at work. Do you ever feel like that? Those moments when people assume that since they’ve had some downtime you’re available and ready to go?

It’s a holiday week. Nobody’s working … and now everyone wants to get together. Sound familiar?

We serve and care for people because we genuinely love them, and we’re grateful for their efforts to connect with us. However, without proper boundaries around my time, I’ve noticed that it often gets overwhelmed by others’ needs, leaving little room to focus on my own responsibilities. I’m sure many of us feel the tension between wanting to be available to everyone and recognizing that it’s simply not possible.

As I look back, I’ve realized that I often said ‘yes’ to so many good things that I was forced to say ‘no’ to the best things. It became clear to me that every ‘yes’ I give requires a ‘no’ somewhere else, so I needed to be intentional about choosing my ‘yeses’ wisely.

Saying ‘no’ is hard. People get disappointed, and as leaders, we hate letting others down. But when we remember that every ‘yes’ is also a ‘no’ to something—or someone—else, we see that the ones most often affected are those closest to us. We justify it by telling ourselves, “They know us; they’ll understand.”

As ministry opportunities grow and the calendar fills up with meetings, events, and special gatherings, you might find yourself thinking, “I’m glad others feel rested, refreshed, and ready to hit the ground running, but I need a break. I’ve been going full tilt, and I can’t keep up this pace.”

On top of that, there’s the constant pressure of keeping the church moving forward—engaging people, meeting needs, and shepherding hearts—while trying to balance the demands of leadership and life.

You might find yourself saying, “I just can’t keep up with everything that’s being asked of me right now.” And let me be clear: you can’t.

That’s why you must say “no” to some things so that you can say “yes” to the best things. Effective leaders understand when to say “yes” and when to say “no,” or else they’ll be led by the loudest voices around them.

Look at how Jesus addresses this:

Matthew 5:37 — “Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.”

Here, Jesus is emphasizing the importance of being people who follow through on their commitments—people whose word can be trusted. As disciples of Jesus and leaders of His church, we’re called to reflect the faithfulness of a God who keeps His Word.

But if we say “yes” to everything, we won’t be able to follow through on it all. People will be disappointed, and we’ll fail to reflect the faithfulness of our Lord.

So, never commit to something the moment you’re asked. Always create some space between the emotion of the ask and your answer—between your relationship with the asker and your response.

Then ask yourself these six questions:

1. WHAT’S MY CAPACITY?

Sometimes we think we’re far more capable than we really are. Wanting to do something doesn’t necessarily mean you should do it. It’s important to be realistic about what you can do before committing. Saying “yes” means I’ve considered what is being asked of me and I have the capacity in my schedule to complete it. It’s great to bring someone else in on your decision too. Someone who’s not just going to tell you what you want to hear but will be honest enough to say – you don’t have the time in your schedule. So before you say yes, take your superhero cape off and ask yourself, “What’s my capacity?”

2.  WHAT’S MY MOTIVE? 

How many times have you said yes to something because you felt guilty about saying no? Guilt is never a good motive to do anything. It’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to the person asking for something. Am I saying yes to gain favor with someone?

3. WHERE’S THE FINISH LINE?

This is super important to consider before saying yes to something. Does this commitment have an expiration date or am I locked in till Jesus comes? Make sure you get clarity on how long you’re expected to maintain this commitment and determine if it’s a good fit for you.

4. IS IT IN MY WHEELHOUSE?

Is it something you’re gifted to do and want to do? Don’t make long-term commitments to do things God hasn’t given you the tools or desire to do. You’ll frustrate yourself and the people asking. Plus, you’ll keep another leader from stepping up and doing a better job than you!

5. WHAT’S GONNA GIVE?

As stated earlier, every yes means a no to something else. Most pastors are already at full capacity so before you take on another thing be sure to identify something that you’re going to let go of in its place. If you don’t, something you might not want to let go of will be lost.

6. DOES GOD WANT ME TO DO THIS?

This should obviously be on the top of the list. He is omniscient, we aren’t! He knows what’s down the road, we don’t. We would do well to take seriously the words of James:

“Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit’ – yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.'” James 4:13

We live in a culture that constantly pushes us to do more—teach more, create more, meet more, reach more, inspire more, and simply be more. While ministry often calls us to give generously of our time and energy, it’s crucial to establish healthy rhythms and boundaries that allow us to serve well without burning out.

As you navigate the many opportunities that come your way, take time to reflect on the questions above. They will help you discern where to say ‘yes’ and where to say ‘no.’ And when you do say ‘yes,’ let it be a wholehearted act of worship to God, knowing your decision was made with wisdom and intentionality.