I’m tired.   

I’m really tired.

My guess is many of you are tired too.

The last thing we need is to rehash all the things that have worn us down. We also don’t need more theology on rest. This isn’t some sort of devotional to inspire you not to be tired. I don’t really think it works like that. I have no interest or energy left to walk you through a Psalm or write a blog post about how Jesus went to the mountains to rest and pray.

You know the theology of rest. I know the theology of rest. But I’m still feeling so worn out.   

I’m not trying to say that the answer isn’t found in Jesus or that the many passages in Scripture that teach us about rest aren’t important. I guess what I am painfully coming to realize is that I struggle in the application of that theology to my everyday life and ministry.

I know I’m not alone. I think a lot of leaders in churches struggle with the application of the content we so easily share with the exhausted who sit across from us seeking guidance.

I’m struggling to understand why the application seems so difficult for me…for us. I would like to think we struggle with the application of rest because we are such high performers. Maybe it’s because we love people and sometimes extend ourselves too far to help meet the needs of those we love. Or it could be because the perceived demand on our time, attention and hearts seems never ending. We also hear all the really hard things so many people seem to be going through these days. It’s easy to adopt a savior complex. We think everyone needs us and we are the only ones who can help. Maybe it’s because we don’t know how to sit down from the pulpit (or slick looking table). Maybe we are worn out because no matter how things are going at home or the church, the other seems to be going in the opposite direction.

Whatever the reason, pastors and church leaders struggle a lot with rest.

Recently, a pastor of a large church came in to train a team of our people on a new small group format we were going to be rolling out. This pastor is very well known and highly respected, running a big, multi-campus church with a large staff. He’s a brilliant guy, charismatic in both his speaking ability, leadership and personality. But when I looked at his eyes, they were washed out with fatigue. He was spent.

As we chatted after the training session, I mentioned that he looked tired. He went on to tell me about some pretty heavy staffing issues, scheduling issues and some other stuff that had been keeping him up at night. I drove home that night reflecting on our conversation and knew I had to do something so I wouldn’t end up looking like him.

Ironically, these days everyone seems to ask me the question I asked him. I don’t just feel tired, I look tired. My family, my staff, my church friends, even strangers can see it in my eyes.

I’m tired on the inside.

And when I’m tired on the inside it is easier to stop caring about things on the outside.

I neglect things that should be priorities and I prioritize things I should neglect.

I lose my filter and discernment becomes more difficult.

I find myself slumping into dark places of the heart and soul.

I stop returning calls from the people I need most.

My patience is gone.

My temper shortens.

My insecurities flare.

I make mistakes.

The things that used to give me rest and reprieve lose their effectiveness and I become dangerously close to burning out.

It isn’t a great place to be as a leader.

This has been a problem for as long as I can remember. Leadership is exhausting. Pastoring is exhausting. Doing your job well means there will be times when you just get worn out on the inside. I’m pretty sure it is part of the burden of this calling. For me, learning how to get better at practicing what I preach when it comes to rest is a step-by-step journey. I am getting better at it, but admittedly I still have a long way to go. As I have struggled through, I’ve found a few things that really help. The list isn’t exhaustive and I won’t pretend that these will help everyone, but maybe they will help some leader, somewhere who is running thin these days.

Here are five steps that will help you find more rest as a leader.

STEP ONE: BRUTAL HONESTY

The first step back to rest for me is brutal honesty about how things have been going and about how I am doing. I love that scripture is filled with examples of this, from Paul and his thorn to Moses being rebuked by his father in law. We, as leaders, can be so good at pretending to be better than we really are. It happens all the time in our circles, especially when we are talking to each other. But you can’t silently suffer your way out of exhaustion. This is a weakness we need to embrace so that we can start to lean into and experience God’s strength in the midst of our weakness. 

The brutal honesty has to start with ourselves. Then it has to be voiced to the people close to us. I hope you have a pastor who can speak into your life. If you are exhausted, tired on the inside, feeling burned out, right now is the time to stop everything and let someone in. Don’t dress it up. Don’t downplay it. Don’t smother your lack of practice with your theological intellect. 

Just get honest.

STEP TWO: BREAK THE BROKEN RHYTHM (WHATEVER THE COST)

If it isn’t working for you, I guarantee it isn’t working for your family either. There needs to be some urgency when it comes to changing the rhythms and routines of our lives even if those rhythms and routines seem externally productive. If they are working on the outside but not on the inside, they aren’t really working. Your preaching may really draw in the crowd, but preaching every week is not healthy or sustainable. The late night meetings may really help your team problem solve church issues, but you’re probably creating issues at home.

There is a metric that is way more important than the attendance metric, small group metric, or financial metric. The metric we don’t talk about is the spiritual, emotional and physical health of the leadership team. If all the other metrics look great but we are burning out leaders, or ourselves, the rhythm needs to be broken even if attendance takes a dive.

So the sermon may be terrible for a week or month as you tap some leaders who are just learning to preach. You have to get out of the pulpit anyway. Maybe the social media videos disappear for a little while. Maybe a meeting gets missed, a decision gets put off for another month. Maybe even someone gets mad at you for not visiting them. Maybe they end up leaving the church. It might happen and you shouldn’t care. If you are tired on the inside you have to break your rhythm whatever the cost so you can find a new healthy rhythm – a new rhythm where you are rested and cared for and growing again.

Jesus did it. We teach it. We just need to start doing it.

STEP THREE: BREAK WHAT IS BREAKING YOUR BOUNDARIES 

The thing that exhausts pastors, leaders and their families are broken boundaries. A lot of times the boundaries are willingly broken by us for the sake of ministry. We struggle to say, “no.” The pressure to sacrifice ourselves and our families on the altar of ministry is always there.

I remember in a ministry class at Trinity, the professor asked the question, clearly trying to launch a healthy debate with a bunch of wet behind the ears leaders soon to become vocational ministry personnel spread around the country: “What’s your first ministry priority, your home or your calling?” The question seemed so carefully crafted, I never forgot it. I remember thinking, nice try, this one is a no brainer, we are all going to agree that our first priority is our home, our family. I was shocked as a passionate debate broke out. The professor’s point was made. I wonder how many wounded ministry kids and broken ministry families have resulted from our struggle to get this one right.

Enough is enough. Your family is the priority. You have to break what is breaking your boundaries. You do this by setting right boundaries for yourself, your family and your time. Once you know where the lines are to protect your heart and home, clearly communicate those boundaries. I’m not going to answer my phone on my day off. Don’t email me on Saturdays. I am not going to come home from vacation if someone dies. Then learn how to say no with grace because the tests will always come. 

STEP FOUR: ESTABLISH A SUSTAINABLE RHYTHM

Establishing a sustainable rhythm is an ongoing process. It constantly needs tweaking because life, ministry, and culture are constantly changing. So are the demands on our time and energy. To establish a sustainable rhythm, I find it helpful to think about my time in three different chunks: The year. Ninety days. The week.

THE YEAR

I look at my year and take note of the busy seasons when I will likely be running a little thin. Just being aware helps me catch the tired before it sinks in. I can also build in established rhythms to support myself in those more challenging seasons, like the longer break I take from preaching in June. Because I look at my whole year, I can anticipate the need for a little extra care.

THE NEXT 90 DAYS

When I look at the next three months I get a better picture of what days I need off, what family events I need to make space for, etc. I adjust my next 90 days to make sure I can make time for all of the upcoming events and duties without sacrificing my first priority – my home.

THE WEEK

The real rhythm maker or breaker is how I plan out my week. I need to protect some time during my week, every week. This is the hardest challenge for me. There always seems to be something demanding my attention, stealing a few hours of sleep, interrupting a day off, or trying to pull my attention away from my family at night. When I look at my week, this is where I need to actively choose to break what breaks my boundaries.

STEP FIVE: KEEP YOUR SOUL ALIVE

One of the guys I call “pastor” has this annoying habit of always asking me, and everyone else he mentors, if we are “spending time with Jesus.” He mentors mostly people who are lead pastors or are thoroughly involved in church ministry. Am I spending time with Jesus? Of course I am, I want to shout at him. I’m the lead pastor of my church. But then his follow up questions always cut through my self indulgent facade and I am left searching for the last time I really just got away with Jesus to get my heart and soul right and cared for by my Good Shepherd.

I imagine most of you are spiritual giants. Your devotional time is likely robust. I hope your soul is good. I also know how easy it is to get lost in doing ministry. It is easy to spend countless hours studying scripture for a sermon while spending less time reading scripture for personal growth.

There is only one true source for rest and it is Jesus.

I love the message God gives Moses in Exodus 33:14 in response to Moses’ expressed fears and concerns as God led them from the place they were to the promise land. “My presence will go with you and I will give you rest.” Moses didn’t even know enough to ask for rest, but God knew he would need it.

Ministry is hard and leaders often get exhausted. Practice being in his presence. It is amazing how clarity and rest always seem to come from getting away to be alone with Him.

The following two tabs change content below.
Josh Ott is lead pastor at Grace Free Church in Cressona, PA. He is also a speaker, coach and creator of the The Speaking Course for Pastors, Speakers and Church Leaders.

9 Comments

  1. Joe Henseler on January 3, 2024 at 12:32 pm

    Thanks for socking me with practical truth rather than comforting me with a Christian Hallmark Card.

  2. Brian on May 13, 2021 at 9:35 pm

    Great post. Just what I needed when I needed it. I will have to chew on it for a while.

    • Joshua Ott on June 11, 2021 at 1:47 pm

      Thanks Brian. Appreciate the comment. Hope you are well and finding some rest.

  3. Matthew Meeder on May 12, 2021 at 9:39 am

    Yes, feeling tired. I don’t need more information. I need help applying my rest theology. Thanks for your thoughts.

    • Josh Ott on May 12, 2021 at 10:42 am

      Thanks Matthew! I’m in the same boat. I appreciate you!

  4. Matt Saxinger on May 12, 2021 at 9:37 am

    Great thoughts man, appreciate the challenges/encouragements.

    • Josh Ott on May 12, 2021 at 10:43 am

      Thanks Matt!

  5. Tony Balsamo on May 12, 2021 at 8:13 am

    Great post!! Thanks for sharing!!

    • Josh Ott on May 12, 2021 at 10:43 am

      Thanks Tony! I appreciate you!

Leave a Comment





This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.