Darkness Versus The Light

A personal reflection from Associate Superintendent Peter Johnson.

Being in darkness is never good when you know that you should be in the light. A month ago, I was mowing the grass and gathering up the leaves one last time before the winter season. The last thing I remember was mowing around the garden next to the garage door. The mower bag was filling up with shredded leaves from our oak tree. The next thing I remember was groggily looking around and seeing doctors looking down on me as I was being placed in an MRI machine.  

Then I was unconscious again until I awoke being wheeled into a bay in the ER, my wife and daughter nearby. I have no memory of what had just happened. I heard them say that I had a broken rib, had a gash in my forehead that needed stitches, and had a concussion. They listed out a litany of possible reasons as to why I might have fallen. Dehydration? Stroke? Heart attack? Seizure?

While ongoing tests are ruling each of these out, we are pretty sure that I was just clumsy, that I slipped while on an incline near the street, perhaps tripping while trying to maneuver the mower with a full bag of leaves. Whatever happened, because of my weak right side, I was unable to put out my right arm to protect myself while falling and I landed head first on my driveway. Fortunately, someone was driving by as I fell, saw the whole thing happen, stopped to help me as I laid there dazed and bleeding, and called 911. 

Once home from the ER, I mostly slept for the first few days, lying flat on my back in a darkened room. Any movement caused aggressive dizziness. Any noise or light was too much for my bruised brain. Now, a month into this experience, the world has pretty much stopped spinning when I try to get up, and the rib is just about healed. While still a little wobbly, I am gaining my strength back and getting stronger all the time. Hopefully after a few more medical tests, I will be cleared to drive.       

I have to tell you, it is very disconcerting to wake up and have no memory of several hours. But the truth is, I have already lost a month to this fall. And what a month to lose. I was only able to observe Advent and Christmas from the sidelines. I totally missed the tree being decorated. I could not handle the light from the first Advent candle flickering across the room. 

As Christmas approached I sat in a recliner watching as the family gathered to celebrate together.  Decorating the sugar cookies. Wrapping gifts. Going on outings with the grandchildren. Anticipating the birth of Jesus at church. I missed it all. 

Laying in a darkened room gives a person time to think. To pass the time and think about Advent themes I had my daughter read to me from a favorite book called The Birth by Gene Edwards (part of the Chronicles of the Door series). In the story, Michael the archangel breaks through the dark, brassy hardness between heaven’s throne room and earth after centuries of silence from heaven due to humanities sin. 

Once more God’s Light would shine upon God’s favored realm. Ultimately the host of heaven would watch in awe as the very essence of Almighty God would shrink, without losing any of its all-encompassing glory, and the doorway between heaven and earth would open into the womb of Mary, implanting this incredible Almighty seed of God into her womb. The door between heaven and earth would eternally be open in the person of Incarnate Jesus. God’s glory in the person of Jesus Christ would now change everything. 

Light would dispel the darkness. 

As we begin a New Year, what darkness is encumbering you? Like me, do you feel like life has come to a standstill? Are you struggling with a desert wilderness because of some emotionally charged quagmire? Has paying too much attention to the darkness of the world around you dragged you down? Maybe there is sin that is causing your heart to become brassy, hard, and dark?  

Let me challenge you as we begin 2018. Psalm 119:105, 130 says that opening the Word … is a light to your path. Commit to reading the Word devotionally, not just to prepare for a sermon but to prepare your soul to follow God’s path for you this year. Why? John 12:35 says we are to walk in the light of the word so the darkness will not overcome you.   

I found it intriguing that the online verse of the day for January 1 comes from Isaiah 43:19 (ESV).  “Behold I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? It will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Listen to what His Word has to say. Talk to Him. Pray that God will release you from the hard brassy darkness in your soul. What new thing does God have waiting for you this year? What path through the wilderness and river in the desert has God already prepared for you to walk through? The doorway to Heaven’s throne is open and well lit.  Because of Jesus, it will never be closed again. There is Light. Walk in it.