I studied the 3-inch scar running down the center of my left knee, still raw from my surgery a couple of months beforehand. The physical therapist gently massaged it and began to work its range of motion. I grimaced in pain. Soon, we began to banter about sports and the latest Christian book we were each reading. Our simple conversations had become routine – and helpful. Several months of intense rehab made the clinic feel like a second home – and the physical therapist a friendly acquaintance.  

My mind quickly shifted back to football and the hope of rejoining my college team.  

“Hey Bob, when can I start lifting weights again? I feel like I’m shriveling up to nothing.”  

Bob smiled as he continued to bend my knee. “Good question, Russ. There’s some stuff you can start doing right now. Nothing crazy, but enough to get you feeling better.”  

“Like what? I’ve only ever done one workout routine. It’s worked pretty well for me, so I’m a little worried about changing it.”  

“What are you doing tomorrow afternoon? Do you have class? Why don’t you come to the house, and I’ll show you some exercises?”  

Little did I know that such a simple, yet radical invitation would change the course of my life.   

One random lifting session soon morphed into a long-term friendship that helped make me the man I am today. You can read more about it in my recently released memoir, The Bonny Lane Club.  

 

The importance of a mentor is not easy to quantify, especially for young adults like I was, who are trying to find their own way in the world.  

Rare is a man or woman, like Bob, who is willing to take the initiative for a mentoring relationship. Many don’t know where to begin.  

That’s where the church can help.  

With a Christian university two minutes down the road, it took me several years to figure out an approach to college-age ministry that was beneficial to the hundreds of university students who attend our church every week. What could we provide that students didn’t already have at school?  

Bible studies? Too many to count. 

Worship? Multiple days each week. 

Fun games and activities? There’s a whole department for that.  

Personal mentorship from an older, wiser Believer? Bingo.  

Now several years after this “ah ha” moment, there are four important things I’ve learned about creating a mentor ministry at church.

1. CULTURE MATTERS MOST.

It’s fairly easy to slap together a decent program (and yes, I think you should), but if you don’t work to create a desire for mentorship, no one will sign up. Mentorship must become part of your church’s language. Talk about mentorship from the pulpit, in classrooms, and private conversations. Share experiences with your own mentor and help stories of other mentor/mentee relationships be shared broadly. Our church and ministry still has a long way to go with this – but we’re getting there. We recently played a video at the beginning of our worship service of a mentor and mentee who have an amazingly close relationship. Within a week, we had almost 20 people apply for our mentor program. And who knows how many more reached out to someone in their life, apart from our formal programming. Spirit speaks to Spirit – and He moves people to action.    

2. PROVIDE A CONVESATION TOPIC.

Many mentor relationships don’t begin because they don’t know where to start. Everyone fears sitting across from someone and not knowing what to talk about. The church can provide curriculum and resources that can help immensely. Organizations like Men of Iron have full websites dedicated to meeting mentoring needs at any level. In our church’s mentor program, we have all participants listen to an episode of the Becoming Something podcast during the week. We choose episodes that are especially relevant to young people, like “Finding Purpose” and “Honoring Your Parents as an Adult.” Although we also provide some discussion questions for mentors/mentees when they meet, we find that the conversations usually happen organically from the content. And podcasts are generally a low time commitment – just turn it on while you’re doing laundry or driving to work.  

3. START IN A GROUP.

Meeting someone for the first time and being forced to talk with them is awkward, at best. And for introverts like myself – sometimes terrifying. Starting with a group significantly lowers the intimidation level. At our church, we pair mentors with a mentee – but we have them start together in groups for discussion. Several mentor/mentee pairs come together to discuss the podcast episode each week. Not only does this remove some awkwardness, but it allows everyone to learn from other voices and experiences. After 30-40 minutes of group time, we have the pairs separate out for 20-30 minutes of one-on-one time.  

4. GIVE AN OFF-RAMP.

Ah, yes… the unspoken question: “Am I in this semi-awkward mentor relationship for life?” The fear of an ongoing, unwanted relationship makes many people hesitant to begin. Sometimes it feels easier to not engage at all than it is to engage and “break up.” For this reason, it’s helpful to provide a fixed time range with a natural off-ramp. At our church, the program runs for 5 weeks on Sunday mornings. The 6th week, each mentor/mentee pair meets on its own at a time and location they decide. This gives them an opportunity to end the program and walk away after a beneficial experience, or to continue in the relationship on their own. A majority of the pairs decide to continue. Some don’t – and that’s okay. A few even engage in a mentoring relationship with someone else who was in their group that they got to know over the previous few weeks.  

Mentorship is hard. We’d all love those relationships to happen organically – like the one Bob initiated with me. But too often the barriers to entry are too great. If the church can provide a starting point and remove a few of those obstacles, it gives room for the Holy Spirit to do His work in the lives of our people – both old and young.